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Thoughts on spiritual, emotional, and psychological manipulation (emphasised on self-proclaimed gurus, life coaches, etc.)

Writer's picture: Amandine FradejasAmandine Fradejas



I don't know how useful and how many people these words will reach; I am going to talk about the offline and online plague of spiritual and emotional manipulation. Having witnessed it from behind the curtains of social media, from witnessing it every day online, and, in fact, from also having experienced it in my youth before the online era, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise because it set me free in many ways, but I was lucky, and it seems like a bit of a duty to warn others, and I really am hoping that the latter doesn't sound patronising, which is one of my triggers that I wouldn't inflict on anyone.


It saddens me and angers me (because fuck bullies at all levels!) in our society of instant access, for the new generation and the generations to come, even though I don't have children in this realm; there is a nurturing and caring energy in me somewhere.

I wish more awareness was raised about the manipulation of self-called gurus, life coaches, and other self-proclaimed ego-boosting titles. It also applies to all emotional vampires, bunny boilers, emotional blackmailers, and many other areas of life where the mediocre self-indulgent art of bullying and controlling is involved.


If we feel emotionally, spiritually dependent, fearful, and guilty, is it healthy? Or does it feel as heavy and as toxic as bingeing on anything that doesn't come from love and a nurturing energy but from an agenda of profit, such as processed manufactured fat food, booze, and other short-term buzz poison? Is it good for us, liberating, empowering if we're addicted to it?


While teachers or facilitators can facilitate growth and learning by communicating their wisdom and knowledge, nobody, absolutely nobody, is going to live this life for us or your children! Nobody is going to bring us enlightenments! A good teacher is someone who will make sure that their students will not depend on them; otherwise, it's their ego working (in shamanic cultures included, or self-proclaimed shamans, neo-prophets, gurus, you name it).


Celebrating and admiring the work of others is a beautiful thing as long as it inspires and nurtures the heart, consciousness, and even stimulates the intellect; putting others on a pedestal is a dangerous thing to do. You give your power and your freedom to someone else.


We are all trying to make sense of our human condition and existence, and none of us have answers when it comes to it. We're all fucked up to some extent; some are more fragile and vulnerable than others, and this is where it's dangerous and easy for those vultures to manipulate, and dude, do they know their prey! Instagram and Facebook are full of them! Don't get me started on the spiritual and emotional vampirism of our world rulers.


Spirituality is something only we can experience for ourselves, and even that is a matter of perception, personal interpretation, and personal understanding, so I found that a way to stay as grounded or mentally healthy as possible, for what it's worth to you, is to always question whether I am acting out of fear or out of love—not an easy one but a primordial one. There is no other way than self-integrity and integrity, and again, it's the most difficult one, because the biggest story or tale is the one we tell ourselves.


If you know someone who can be a victim of this type of manipulation, remind him/her/them of their own strength and ability to think for themselves, that it is safe to listen to their heart and trust their instinct. Whoever is genuine and comes from the heart will encourage this.


With love, respect and comforting hugs Xxx

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